Processing

My friend Caitlin is the closest thing to having somebody live in my head and understand just about anything that I will ever think and feel. We can have endless hours of conversation about how grass grows if we wanted to (and I'm pretty sure we have done this when she decided to plant a small lawn for her dog in the mountains one summer), but more than that we can talk about real things that matter to us. Politics (she's republican, I'm a democrat), religion (she is, I'm not), child rearing (she knows more, but I'm the parent), and work (we both don't agree with it).

Being Freshman in College

She called this weekend to tell me she got accepted into her favorite law school. It's in Oregon. Back up. Caitlin decided to apply a couple months ago. I stupidly supported this as I laughed saying, OK, go for it. You won't actually fill out the paper work for another three years. When she wants to be good with paper work, she's excellent, however, she very seldom wants it. She proved me wrong and got it in the day before it was due. I think. Even if she hadn't, she would have been able to talk the admissions people into accepting her anyways. She applied to six schools, and got accepted to six schools. Not only that, but most of the schools offered to pay for her to come in various forms of scholarships. She is a smarty pants.

When she called to tell me, it might have been the only time she has asked me, "What are you thinking?" because she always knows what I'm thinking. On the phone, across the country, when she's sitting with me, she knows. Not only does she know, but she understands, even if she doesn't agree with me. I told her that I was happy and proud of her, but that I had to process this when I wasn't on the phone with her. Mostly because I was going to cry and we were at Costco, and that is no place for tears.

A shed was needed in Red Cliff...Caitlin dug right in with a borrowed truck. Permits? What permits?

Well, I have processed, and I don't like this. Not one part of me is happy that she got accepted and is now planning a life a couple states over. I don't like that this is happening in the next 3 months. And I don't like that she won't be going to DU and living in our house. I wish she was dumber so no law school in it's right mind would accept such a creature, and I wish she didn't have ambition so she would be happy with being the gas station attendant which is the closest operating business to my house. But that is the selfish part of me.


The other part of me is really really happy for her. I'm happy that she had the choice to go to just about any school on this planet because they would be lucky to have her. She deserves anything she wants, and if a degree in law is what she wants, then I think she should have it tomorrow. I'm proud of her for not living the easy way which would have been to stay in the situation where she is now, a job in the area of her dreams (soccer) and living in her own beautiful condo. in Avon.

Visiting Austin in the hospital before running home and cooking an entire birthday dinner and cake for my dad so we could still celebrate his 50th even though it was on a hospital balcony.

Then there is another part of me that thinks that this might be some small coup for me. Because I know that no matter what I do in this life, I will not only have a best friend, but have a lawyer who will back me up 100%.