Water for Chocolate

I used to be a runner. A pet peeve of mine is when people say they are something and the last time they really committed to said activity was five years ago. This stems from my dad, I'm sure, as it's also a pet peeve of his. Don't tell me you are a soccer player if the last time you kicked a ball was 3 years ago and you only played in one game. If you want the status, do the sport. Got it?

So, as I was saying, I USED to be a runner. And, according to me, I was pretty good at it. I was at least as good as I wanted to be. I could go long distances, and more so, I could enjoy going long distances. When I wanted to, I could pick up the pace, but for the most part I would just run. The majority of my runs were around 5 to 7 miles that would take around an hour, and I'd come back feeling happy. Weekends could get me out for two hours, and other days I'd force myself to go for just 20 minutes. I believe this is one of the reasons I am now looking in the mirror and not realizing what is looking back at me.

My last real run was in Oct. of 2006. I was pregnant. Then I miscarried. Then I stopped running.

On a side topic, I remember having a conversation with myself (as I often do) during one of my runs that I was practicing at pregnancy. The thought was so clear that I stopped myself and said, No, this isn't practice, you are pregnant. But it turns out I was in practice mode for Austin's pregnancy.

Since then, I have gone on little runs. The longest being a 7 miler with my dad about 6 months after Austin was born. I wanted to see if I could do it. I could. Now I can't. Now I go out and my body screams at me as I pass the two mile mark. So, instead of exercising I sit at my computer with cookies, or chocolate, or some kind of yummy snack as it's more satisfying to do this than fail at something that used to come so easy to me. Excuses come easy. Time, kids, don't want to push a stroller, it's cold out. I roll my own eyes at myself.

I have been proudly carrying around 17 extra pounds since little (huge) Oliver came out. The only thing I have done to lose it was to bitch about it and say I don't want to weigh this much...look like this. I have declared surgery will be my best friend, but we all know that's not what I want. I want to wake up and have the exercise and ability that I used to. Yesterday I took my first step. I have not committed to exercise yet, but I have committed to eating the right foods. I have (will continue to) replace my chocolate with water, I will make healthy dinners, and I will eat earlier so as not to keep snacking until Chris is home and then scarf down cereal at 9pm because I just wasn't hungry. Maybe after a couple of weeks of fueling my body the right way I will slowly regain some exercise routine. I don't want to start out all gang-buster style as I'm pretty sure I would fall right back into this chair with a fresh baked dozen in front of me.

Wish me luck.