Besties

In the land of snow birds it is hard for the boys to create friendships, so when kids are nearby I am slow to stop the play in the name of errands and education. Austin and I have been feeling the loss of our friendships recently, so as they traipse around with some girls who are visiting their (great) grandma next door I can do nothing but smile as I see the markers, paints, toys, rollerblades and scooters pile up around us.

Chris likes to say we “eased” into life on the road. We traveled, we visited friends. We traveled a bit more and saw some more friends. After a couple of months we found ourselves in the middle of being home for the holidays and then we really took off, this time not to return for 10 or 11 months. I realize the majority of my friends have left home and have dealt with the loneliness that follows, but for me this is the first time and truthfully I think we do just fine, but as I watched my close friend’s baby shower through tear blurred eyes it hit me that I haven’t had some good quality friend time in quite some time. Two days before Valentine’s Day some packages arrived for the boys and Austin got SO excited saying, “I just know these are Valentines from my classmates!! I know they sent me some because I’m not there!” I’m not sure why he thought this, but the fact that it made him so happy highlighted to me that we share the similar need for friendship and made me ache for his loss.  If it is hard for me, who gets to use the phone, Facebook, and texts, it is even harder on Austin who had (has) some real quality friendships back home. Alas, the packages were not from friends, they were from Super-Nana and the boys happily tore into the candies and books that were sent their way. Through a mouthful of chocolate Austin said, I guess my class mates package will come on Valentine’s Day.

If traveling for our family usually feels like the BEST THING EVER! the loss of our friends, doesn’t. Austin and I joke that if we could create a caravan we could live like this forever, but Chris and Oliver tend to like life as a foursome (sixsome +dogs) and are content with knowing that someday we will be back in our regular surroundings with lots of friendships and a too-full calendar.

If you are a mom and are on Facebook, you might have noticed a following for “Orange Rhino” occurring. It sounds a bit silly, but it is a woman who has started a challenge of yell-free parenting; to Yell Less and Love More. Parenting these two boys will try my patience and yelling had started to happen which I am not a fan of because I am not naturally a yeller, so I have been making an effort to not yell. The longer I go without yelling, the easier it is, and I think living so closely together has also helped in that way. Living in 350 sq. feet means that we are living |thisclose| to each other, I mean really, 76% of my time I am physically being touched by one of these other humans or dogs and since Jan. 12^th I have literally been away from my kids for maybe an hour for a 9pm grocery shopping run one evening and a couple of 20 min. walks. With that much closeness you get to know and see so much in another human…what effects them, makes them happy, crushes them. All of a sudden Oliver’s antics does not mean that he is single handedly trying to make me pull all of my hair out, but he really does just talk and talk and talk about anything that comes through his mind and when he is confined to being inside his body starts acting like a ping pong ball that cannot stop until it is released into open space. With that, I’ve felt myself switch what triggers me and I am no longer having to stop myself from yelling when the water has spilled on my laptop because I see Oliver trying to be independent. I no longer want to raise my voice when Austin is pushing the limits of what I think is physically safe for him (climbing on top of the trailer, riding his bike further from home) because I see that he is making a transition from 7 to 8 and needs that freedom to do so. I still do have two main times when I catch myself yelling and that is when the kids are either hurting one another or when they are being rude/ungrateful, which as their mother, I think is part of my job to stop.

There are plenty of parents that pride themselves in being a parent, not a friend. I get that. I see how it is easy to think there is an either/or to the parent-child relationship, but that is not how I view it. In this year of living as a foursome, I am so happy to find that not only did I marry my best friend, but we created two more and as long as I have them chattering with me day in and day out, a lonely heart I will never have.